Movie Review: Clash of the Titans (2010)

Clash of the Titans - 3D
Released 2010
106 mins.
Director: Louis Leterrier

Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Flemyng, and Gemma Arterton

Synopsis: Discovered in a floating chest as a baby, Perseus is raised by a fisherman and wants nothing more than to sail the oceans with his adopted family.  When they stray too close to a battle between gods and men the fishing boat is claimed as collateral damage along everyone aboard except Perseus.  He washes ashore in Argos where the royal family has declared war on the gods.  Unfortunately for them the gods in this Ancient Greece have no problem appearing in broad daylight and peeling heads back.  Hades plans to unleash the Kraken and destroy Argos unless Princess Andromeda is offered up as a sacrifice.  He's got a scheme to overthrow his brother Zeus and take over Olympus.  The wrench in his plan is Perseus who is revealed to be a demi-god and son of Zeus. 

Perseus wants nothing to do with the gods, but wants to save Argos and smoking hot Andromeda.  He leads a crack team of soldiers and two smelly animal trappers on a quest before Hades lays the Krak down.  Among the group is Io an ageless smoking hot babe who gives Perseus some good advice (and hotness).  The whole demi-god thing works in Perseus' favor as he instantly has fighting skills.  First he talks to some creepy witch creeps who tell him about a snake-head lady (mildly smoking hot snake-head lady) who turns people to stone.  On the way he meets some freaky desert freaks who save his bacon from giant scorpions and fights a guy who could have been his dad.  The body count rises, but we all know how this story ends. 

Mike Tells It Straight: Go for the action and ignore the story (be prepared for Sam Worthington's accent).  We've seen the original 80s Clash and dug the low-tech B-movie charm.  This new version brings us up-to-date with all the effects we can handle, but it's still a B-movie.  Perseus' desire to accomplish his quest as a human ultimately rings hollow because of his demi-god status.  It's impossible for him to 'just be human' and Zeus ain't such a bad father anyway (especially after his gift at the end of the movie).  Clash!  Ohhh-ohh-ohh!  (to the Flash Gordon theme folks)

TO BUY and Recommendations:
   

Movie Review: Whip It (2009)

Whip It
Released 2009
111 mins.

Starring: Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, Marcia Gay Harden, Daniel Stern, Andrew Wilson, Jimmy Fallon, and Alia Shawkat

Synopsis: Ellen Page's follow up to 2007's smash success Juno sees her in another coming-of-age story, albeit much lighter in tone (sans teen pregnancy).  Page plays Bliss Cavendar, a spunky teen trapped in the small town of Bodine, TX where her well-meaning mother pushes her to compete in local teen beauty pageants. 

Bliss works at the local pork bbq restaurant with her best friend Pash and both dream of escaping their mundane small-town existences (or at least the constant antagonism of the popular kids).  A chance encounter introduces Bliss to the world of women's roller derby and she is immediatly smitten by the tough, beautiful players (with equally cool names like Maggie Mayhem, Jackie Daniels, and Eva Destruction). 

She tries out and is accepted as the newest member of the Hurl Scouts!  Problems arise as Bliss tries to keep her new project a secret from Mom and her underage status from her teammates.  She then falls (as all teenage girls do) for the atypical uber-cool rock boy (wear a condom this time Ellen!)

Mike Tells It Straight: This ain't no Juno.  Drew Barrymore does a decent, but not spectacular job directing and it's a cute story that doesn't take itself too seriously.  Ellen Page's trademarke sarcastic irreverence is the main draw here.  Plus a fun soundtrack and grrl! power roller derby action

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Movie Review: Whiteout (2009)

Whiteout

Released 2009

101 mins.

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Columbus Short, and Tom Skerritt

Synopsis: Antarctica has some dangerous and downright deadly conditions, but also contains some of the most beautiful and unique sights on the planet. Populated by researchers living in base camps only accessible by airplane it’s a constant battle with the elements with liquor your only friend on the endless winter nights.

Kate Beckinsale is a US Marshal on her last stint at the South Pole just days from the annual winter exodus from the camps. When a mysterious dead body is found her instincts kick into overdrive as the frozen continent sees its first murder. What disturbing event caused her self-imposed exile to the coldest place on earth and can she solve the crime before being added to the body count?

Mike Tells It Straight: If you only want to see this movie because Kate Beckinsale is hot, then turn it off after the first ten minutes. The rest of the movie is a decent murder drama set amid the harshest conditions of Antarctica. You’ll get plenty of plot twists and a good attempt at a shock ending, but stop to think at any point and you may notice a few cracks in the ice. The weather would have done a lot more damage to our US Marshal’s face, but I gots to get me some thousand-year-old ice for my next cocktail!

Based on a graphic novel by Greg Rucka – booya!

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Movie Review: Daybreakers (2010)

Daybreakers
Released 2010
98 mins.

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, and Claudia Karvan

Synopsis: Welcome to America ten years after a plague turned most of the world’s population into vampires and humans are an endangered species. Don’t worry, your local Starbucks is still in business and you can get a little blood in your coffee along with the espresso triple-shot. Plus you can smoke...constantly. 

Now a critical blood shortage (due to the over-eager hunting of humans) threatens to de-volve the undead population into mindless bat-monsters. Ethan Hawke plays a vampire with a conscience and Willem Dafoe offers some comedy relief.

Mike Tells It Straight: Vampires go corporate! If you want to wash the taste of the last tweeny-debacle Twilight installment off your eyeballs then here’s your chance to see a vampire flick with some over-the-top gore. Don’t get your hopes up on a memorable plot as this movie is still just a B+

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Movie Review: The Road (2009)

The Road
Released 2009
112 mins.

Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Guy Pearce, Robert Duvall, and Kodi Smit-McPhee

Synopsis: A father and son travel through a grim, post-apocalyptic America after nuclear winter conditions have devastated the land.  Civilization has degraded to roving bands of savages committing unspeakable acts to survive.  What little shelter the two have is interrupted by constant pursuers with bright yellow teeth and extreme body odor.  The only refuge from the daily horror of keeping his son from being skull-f@#$ed are the dreams of his dead wife giving up in the face of a hopeless future. 

Mike Tells It Straight: This movie is the most depressing thing I have ever seen.  There are no redeeming qualities to be found here.  It will ruin your day/night/week/weekend/month/bar mitzvah.  Avoid this movie at all costs - you have been warned!

TO BUY and Recommendations: